His Servants' Ministry

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WHY DO MARRIAGES FAIL?

God established marriage at Creation. Marriage is the arrangement whereby one man and one woman make a LIFE-LONG COMMITTMENT to each other. Marriage was intended to provide a lifetime of fulfillment and satisfaction to the couple.

So, why so much divorce? What happens after a period of time when marriages fall apart? What makes one partner no longer love his (or her) companion? The following may answer some of these questions.

God is not there. It is possible that a marriage without God could succeed, but it highly unlikely. Marriage is a three-fold dimension: spiritual, physical and social. It actually is God who joins the man and woman in marriage. Mark 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. [KJV] Marriage is a spiritual relationship, with the man and woman living their lives with God in their midst.

Mature love is not there. "Falling in love" and "being in love" are two entirely different things. Falling in love is glamorized by sex novels and movies and feeds on excitement, which totally distorts true love. Being in love begins with a natural attraction between a man and a woman, which matures into truly caring for the other person, and totally committing their life to him or her. Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (KJV) If a man and a woman loved each other as they loved themselves, and respected each other, there would NOT be any divorce.

Trust is not there. If a man and woman do not trust each other, marriage doesn’t have much of a chance. Envy and jealousy always end up in hateful words and actions. If a man and woman truly love each other, they will be trustworthy in everything they do, not causing the other to have any reason whatsoever to criticize. 1 Cor.13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, (KJV) Love is patient and kind . . . NOT jealous, boastful or proud. Proverbs 27:4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? (KJV)

People are far too selfish. Fallen mankind has a very sinful nature. Self-interest, self-satisfaction and self-gratification are abounding. In other words: me, my and mine, or me, me, me! If two people live in marriage and they live only for self, there will be conflict, MUCH conflict! TRUE love, which is care, concern and compassion for the other, willingly relinquishes or renounces these selfish motives, and instead, wants only happiness and contentment for their spouse. Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (KJV) . . . We should not be selfish or try to make a good impression on others. We should be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. If you have only the good of your spouse in mind, your marriage will strengthen and endure.

Marriage is NOT a 50-50 proposition. If a person is not willing to give 100% of themselves to a marriage commitment, divorce will soon follow. Marriage is a TOTAL and PERMANENT commitment, not just a partial, temporary one. A person should be willing to stay true to their spouse regardless of the circumstances. Marital unfaithfulness is the only Biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 5:32).

The two shall be one. Ephesians 5:31-33 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. [33] Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (KJV) The union of husband and wife should unite two persons in such a way that what affects one, also affects the other. Oneness in marriage does not mean you lose your personality, it means caring for your spouse as you care for yourself. You learn to anticipate or for see his or her needs, and you help the other person become all he or she can be. You want and wish only the best for your spouse.

Know that troubles will arise. No two people are alike in every way. We all are different, so we do not think alike, and that brings friction at times. The answer to a lot of marriage problems is when you are wrong, ADMIT it. NO person can be right all the time. And when you are wrong, say "I’m sorry, I was wrong." Some people absolutely will not humble themselves and say "I’m sorry." If you are wrong, you are wrong! Admit it, and try not to do the same thing again. Marriage has many problems, and one of the worst ones is money. Most often people try to live beyond their means. Many expect to have what their parents have as soon as they marry; when their parents have struggled and worked for years to get what they have. Credit cards are one of the most horrendous evils of our time. Many people do not have the moral strength to resist buying something when they have that card in their pocket, and that can lead to debt beyond what they ever considered, putting horrible stress on their marriage. 1 Timothy 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. (KJV) Coveting is a strong desire to possess worldly things (Col. 3:5; Ephes. 5:5; Hebrews 13:5; 1 Tim. 6:9-10; Matthew 6:20). It is cold-hearted, worldly greed. Don’t think: "If I just had a little more, I’d be happy. If I just had what they have, I’d be content." Don't waste your time wishing you had more stuff. THINGS can never make you happy. Soon after you get it, you just want more. Instead of being greedy, be happy with what you have.

Words of Wisdom

Success in marriage is not only finding the right person; it is BEING the right person.
Success in marriage is not a 50/50 proposition; it’s giving 100% of yourself.
Success in marriage is treating your spouse as you want him or her to treat you.

Marriage is what YOU make of it!

Consider the following:

At the first sign of trouble, do NOT think of separation or divorce.
Spend time together, talk to each other.
Forgive and forget. Do NOT harbor anger, bitterness and unforgiveness.
Show your spouse you care; say I love you, and show it.
Refuse to argue. It takes two to fight!
When there is a problem, discuss quietly how to solve it.
Pray together daily, more than grace at the table.
Study God's Word together.
Love only your spouse. Do NOT commit adultery.
Fight temptation no matter how strong it is. Ask the Lord for help.
Apologize when you are wrong. A half-hearted apology is NO apology at all.
God loves you and wants your marriage to work.
Do NOT criticize your spouse's efforts. Always encourage each other instead.
Be grateful for the little things your spouse does for you.
When you are irritated, count to 10 . . . or 20 . . . or 30!
Prune out the bad things in your life.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: [32] And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. (KJV)

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